{ Monthly Archives }
watching news programs on the conflict in lebanon, i find myself slipping in to judging the motives of the participants in the political process. i can’t know what the motives of others are.
judging separates self from other. in my daily life i do the best i can. others are doing the best they can.
who, or what, judges?
yesterday was a busy, active day. today i am tired and tiredness makes me edgy. i need to rest body and mind.
a popular saying is “don’t just sit there, do something”. my mantra for today will be “don,t do something, just sit there”.
just be still.
i recite the three refuges everyday. i don’t know how many times. the name of my home is “still place of refuge”. looking for a definition of refuge in a dictionary i found; protection; relief; comfort. my home offers that.
but there is more. there is the true refuge which is there whenever i stop and look within. my home offers me a place for that too, a place for meditation.
every day i accept this offering with gratitude and just sit.
i am a mature student, a very mature student. i have a crush on teacher. just another object in the mind to be fascinated by, to play with, is what it is.
so just let it go.
twentyfour hours a day, on t.v., there are images of the war in lebanon. i find myself fascinated by, sucked in to, the pictures on the screen. i don’t know why. i don’t need to know why. i can just turn off the t.v.
in the stillness that follows, i offer merit to all beings suffering in war.
at the end of the day, after meditation, i recite the bodhisattva vows. vowing to “save all beings however innumerable they are” is awesome.
i can dwell on the awesomeness of the vows which makes them very daunting. i can just recite the vows and trust. i can also get on with it, make a start.
i can start right now,here, with the being i call “me”.
i had something to do which i could not do. i felt that i should know what to do. i began to get angry with myself.
as soon as “should” appears in my mind, acceptance disappears. i just couldn’t remember what to do but self-judgement was instantly there. i seem to get ambushed by “should”.
i should know better by now. shouldn’t i?
saying goodbye to someone i am close to brought sadness. later, a friend who had been away called to say they were home. that brought happiness.
in life there is always coming and going. acceptance, being still ,just allowing all things to arise and pass is the key.
then, i can enjoy them while they are here.
during morning meditation i wanted to just get up and go. i sat some more and the desire passed.
another distraction soon came along. it too, passed.
i don’t have a garden, just a small paved area behind the house. but i have created an urban jungle by growing shrubs in containers.
yesterday i lifted a bush which had outgrown its container. it was suffering from a lack of nourishment. i trimmed the roots and planted it in a new container with fresh compost for nourishment. it will flourish now and give pleasure for years to come.
when suffering arises for me i first try to wish it away. but i can’t, like the shrub, jump into a new container. the stem of the lotus grows when it is rooted firmly in the mud of suffering. the roots need nurturing right where they are.