{ Monthly Archives }
fear arises, stays a while and passes. when i avoid hanging it on an object, there is just sensation. when attached to an object and labelled “fear”, it appears to have reality. the object for attachment is always in the future.
here, now, there is simply sensation arising and passing. being willing to be still within whatever arises, adding nothing, denying nothing, is sitting zazen.
giving with open hands, without expectation or attachment is generosity.  giving in this way is just offering.
why do i find the offering of receiving more difficult?
autumn is here and i need a new coat. I shivered my way through last autumn because i couldn’t find the ideal coat. i couldn’t find it because it doesn’t exist. the ideal anything doesn’t exist, only in the mind.
there are many coats willing to do their best to keep me warm. i only have to accept one with gratitude. and be warm.
i avoid decision making. i try to convince myself that care and consideration are needed before a decision is taken. i know that i don’t want to face the inevitable consequences of the decision i take. i crave a karma free life.
i buy sugar free or low fat food from the supermarket while ignoring the fact that i need to look at my diet. guilt free food is what i am trying to buy.
but there is no karma free existence. there will be consequences. i need to make a decision.
just do it.
a friend’s cat is preparing to leave this world. she has lived this life for twenty years. when faced with the death of another being, especially a loved one, we ask “what can i do?”.
when i am with people preparing for death i ask that question. the answer is always to be still, fully present, willing to respond in the best way i can, selflessly. beings preparing for death know what to do. the last gift from a loved one is to allow them to get on with it, unhindered.
in “shushogi” dogen says that birth and death are nirvana itself, no necessity to avoid them. the last gift from a loved one who is dying can be to remind us of that.
in a dharma interview i asked,” how do i live zazen in daily life”. the answer was,”just live”.
i just live this life, my life. others cannot live it for me. i cannot live the life of another. with nothing to depend on, we each live out our own life.
i sit in a pleasant, sunny room in tranquility and contentment.
i sit in a pleasant, sunny room, restless and discontented.
the separation is caused by one thought. just let it go.
reminiscing with a friend, i noticed that we sometimes spoke of regret for past mistakes. we have both made a lot of mistakes.
my first response to a painful memory is to hit the rewind time button. the second response is to edit what happened to make it more palatable. but what happened cannot be changed and living with regret is clinging to the past.
right now, i can recognise and accept my mistakes. i can resolve not to repeat them and move on.
every day, last week, someone came to sit zazen with me. it’s good to sit with others.
this week i am sitting alone. it’s good to just sit.
fallen leaves in the garden are a sign of autumn but there is still growth. especially weeds. weeds are simply plants which are not in the place of my choosing in my cultivated garden. my selfishness, partiality, choosing one plant over another.
but weeds can be composted to fertilise the soil. in the spring, they can be the first sign of a new season’s growth. then i greet them with joy.
such is life.