{ Monthly Archives }
during morning sitting i hear sounds of life. next door a child waking and crying for its mother, in the street cars starting up, trains leaving the station, a dog barking. today i was distracted by the noise. i craved silence. but the sounds are the reality of my daily life.
here is where i sit.
for two weeks i have been sitting zazen with others alongside me. this morning, i sat on my own. it was good to be with others, to practice together. but, even together, we each have to do our own training.
i live out this life, my life, alone. this morning i sat zazen because only i can.
yesterday i awoke in the monastery to the sound of the wake up bell. today i awoke at home to the sound of the alarm. yesterday i followed the monastic schedule. today i must make my own.
life today is different from the life of yesterday. but that was then and this is now. just live this day, this moment.
tomorrow i leave for a week retreat. travelling with me is a friend who is going for her first retreat. she is bursting with the joy of it. but what a joy and privilege it is for me to be sharing the journey with her.
beginners mind.
i am coming to the end of my course. i can see the finishing post. impatience alternates with sadness. i want to be done with it and to cling to it.
today i have a class and that is where i need to be. fully present.
at the end of the week i shall go on retreat. preparations need to made and to do that i need to be fully present. where i keep finding myself is on the journey or arriving, not here.
i bring my mind back to this moment again and again. this is everyday practice.
attachment leads quickly to a view becoming ‘my’ view. ‘my’ view is right, other views are not right. with this arising of self also arises the delusion of separation of self and other.
when i let go of ‘i’ and ‘mine’, the delusion of separation dissolves.
i offer the merit of this day to all beings suffering in conflict.
homage to the buddha; homage to the dharma; homage to the sangha.
trying to keep abreast of current political debate, i am aware of just how little real debate there is. views are not exchanged. they are hurled at each other from entrenched positions. alienation follows, opportunity for co-operation and consensus is lost.
i have views on just about everything. i need these to function. but am i attached to those views?
i have started a new module at college. i have left the comfort of the known for the unknown. immediately i set up standards. self doubt, self judgement, quickly arise.
but all i need do is the very best i can. let it go and move on.