everyday zazen

time for rest and renewal. time to put down everyday activity.time to share with family and friends.time to put down this blog until the new year.

i wish everyone a happy and peaceful new year.

people are stranded at airports due to the weather. their hopes of being with their families or on holiday for christmas are fading. when interviewed for t.v. they seek for someone to blame. but no-one is to blame. weather happens. the might of modern technology cannot control the elements.

we are one with the universe. we cannot stand apart from it.

this is a time of celebration and joy. it is also a time for remembering loved ones who are absent through separation or death. joy and sadness are brought sharply into focus.

within our sitting we can allow joy and sadness to just be one. each contains the other,no separation.

my friend was wrapping presents for his daughter. surrounded by gifts,he became aware that he had bought more than he intended. the joy which comes from giving evaporated. generosity had become greed. he recognised this as greed for his child’s love.

we grasp at that which we already have.

today my mind and body are bright again. the melancholic thoughts and feelings of the past few days have passed. there is nothing in the mind that can be relied upon. no reality there.

i am not what i think.

i have lived life with depression. with the long nights and short,grey days of mid-winter it re-emerges. mind is heavy and dull, activity is as swimming through treacle. but i can choose suffering or acceptance. wanting it to go away is suffering. this is just the way it is right now.

i can be gentle and upright within the coming and going of thoughts and feelings. i can entrust body and mind to zazen.

i find myself thinking, ‘once christmas is out of the way i can get on with life’. i want to put my life on hold until christmas is over. each year,painful memories arise of a child’s christmas past but,however painful, they are just memories,not reality.

here and now is reality. acceptance,not clinging to the past,will allow me to enjoy christmas present. and i have gifts still to buy.

the football team i support is languishing at the bottom of the division. but with new owners and a new coach i can face the future with great expectation. today they play the current division leaders and will annihilate them. or maybe not.

i could serenely follow the fortunes of my team. i could be still within duality,the arising of despair and elation,fame or disgrace.

somehow, i don’t think so.

i seem unable to have a conversation without the subject of what i will do next arising. do i initiate this? it’s quite likely since the subject frequently arises in my mind. what will be good to do will only be revealed by looking within, not chasing one idea after another. i must be still.

for now, i must be content with not knowing.

i have time on my hands. it’s an expression i like. it is time in my hands which i can offer up. i have offered it to friends who need my time. i have offered it to my neighbour’s dog for extra walks.

this offering of time is also time in which to wait. to just be in the still spaces between activities.