{ Monthly Archives }
today charley,the little boy who lives next door,will have an operation on his brain. surgeons will try to remove a cancer. our street seems quiet today. some of us offer merit and prayers. some can’t bear to even think about it.
charley may be at the end of this life’s journey but he has lived fully,that’s for sure. i could hear him through my wall!
tomorrow i go on retreat until 23rd march. i will be away for three weeks.
there are things i need to take on retreat and things i want to take. but i haven’t got space in my bag or the strength to carry all the things i want. i just can’t act on this particular piece of craving.
in daily life i do act on it. i stagger around with the weight of craving until i realise i am exhausted by it. only then do i put down my baggage.
on thursday i am going on retreat. in the days before a retreat i seem to simply slow down. life becomes quieter. rather than rushing around to get things done,i am willing to just let go. i have a list of ‘things to do’ which is getting shorter and it’s not because they are getting done. they just don’t seem so important as they once did.
i’m in ‘clearing out’ mode. no matter how careful i try to be,i acquire things i have no use for. ongoing training is like this. again and again i let go of attachments but they don’t necessarily go away. like clearing out the house. it’s not a once and for all job. i need to look again and again.
it’s ongoing training. every day zazen.
how do i unfold the buddha’s teaching? yesterday,in the temple,the answer seemed obvious. today,in the context of ordinary daily life,it’s not so easy. but the answer lies within the question. i have to allow the answer to unfold within my daily practice.
to me that means responding with open hands and heart to the circumstances of everyday life.
i was teaching myself a new skill on my computer. i was failing miserably. from childhood i have had difficulty learning new skills. why? because of impatience to move on. but that simply doesn’t work with a computer. each step must be taken.
all things teach. i am learning patience.
i devise strategies for dealing with situations. it doesn’t help. life never works out the way i think it will.
far better to simply face life as it is, with open hands.
in morning zazen i sat bright ,alert,right here. yesterday i was dull and elsewhere. so what?
every day i just sit zazen.
i was out on the hills yesterday in an area i hadn’t visited for some years. the path i was following divided and i was unsure of my direction. my senses told me to take one path. a signpost pointed the other way. uneasily,i followed the signpost. it was the right direction.
my path of training is often like that. the sign posts are always there even if i can’t see where they are pointing to. but if i follow in faith, i will be on the right path.
i live in an unremarkable town. but there is the sea to the south,hills to the north,a mild climate. i am a recent incomer and i appreciate what the area has to offer. i look around me and feel blessed. many who where born and raised here just don’t see it. they want to be elsewhere. but then i came here because i too wanted to be elsewhere.
now i am content to just be here.