everyday zazen

i judge others. but when i look at another i see only a reflection of self. rev master jiyu kennet said,’look with the mind of a buddha and you will see the heart of a buddha’. sometimes i find that difficult.

the difficulty always begins with self judgement and feelings of separation of self from others.pain arises instantly but trying to off load the pain on to another doesn’t alleviate it. it brings more pain.

just sitting within the pain,embracing it,allows it to dissolve. i’m just slow to realise it. but i do eventually.

when i find myself in a tough situation,is there acceptance or resignation? resignation is easily slipped into. i can convince myself there is nothing i can do,that i might as well give up. despair can follow rapidly if i don’t take care. but acceptance allows the possibility of change.

change,but not necessarily for the better. things might,of course,get worse. but with acceptance,all is,and shall,be well.

i looked at the weather forecast for the next few days. tomorrow will be sunny. joy! the day after it will rain. gloom! how quickly and easily feelings,moods,change.

but i can sit still within the changing. i can know the changeless.

i seem to be able to ask for help nowadays. asking is putting trust in another. i can’t know what the response will be. what i receive may not be i want.

it might just be what i need.

in the monastery i am aware that others contribute directly to my well being. meals are prepared,cleaning done,a broken toilet fixed. in a small community it is easy to see. but right now others are caring for me. i don’t know who they are,they’ve never heard of me. they just do their job and i rely on them.

interconnectedness is not just a long word. it is life.

yesterday was the start of summertime. clocks went forward one hour. now my internal clock is out of time with the clock on the wall. it is a convenience to measure time but it is not reality.

sometimes time is long and sometimes very short. sit zazen and time is experienced in this way. but still the signal gong rings after forty minutes.

having been away there are signs that time has passed. plants have spring growth. some things appear just the same. the house is still here,objects still where i left them.

but whatever the appearance,everything changes.

yesterday i awoke in the monastery to the sound of the head novice ringing the wake up bell, this morning i awoke at home to the sound of the alarm clock.

different place,different sound,same call. wake up to sit zazen.