everyday zazen

as the football season comes to a close,my team is in danger of relegation. their success in avoiding it depends as much on the failure of the other teams in the same predicament as it does on their own performance.

football teams are judged in terms of success and failure but the enjoyment i get from following my team doesn’t depend only on their success. i have followed their fortunes through good and not so good times as i have lived my life through good and not so good times.

not judging my life in terms of success or failure i can learn from and be enriched by whatever happens.

as a young man i was an athlete,strong and fit. now i find myself attempting physical tasks which are beyond me. frustration,anger,even fear arise. but the past is past and here i am.

my purpose can only be fulfilled if i live my life of this day.

a house across the road is being used for prostitution. the women are illegal immigrants. they are victims of the men who control them and the men who use them.this has been going on for months.

my neighbours are angry that it continues,angry at the men who come to our street,fearful for their children. but not once have i heard anything other than concern for the women.

in this ordinary street in an ordinary town,slavery exists. what suffering!

i have a notice board on which i pin copied quotes from my reading. it occurred to me that they had all been hanging there for some time. they had meaning for me when i put them there but not now. they are just attached to the board and i am attached to them.

the board is now clear of them. but is my mind?

a local man’s daughter was murdered several years ago. the father has spent those years trying to bring the killer to court and to have him punished. at the trial the suspect was found not guilty although guilty of similar murders. the father is now campaigning to get an appeal.

this is a familiar story and makes for ‘good’ news under headlines such as ‘father seeks vengeance’. families are paid by news agencies so the can pursue their fights.

i cannot imagine the suffering of families in such a situation. but even if they are successful in having the perpetrator punished,will that punishment ever be enough for them. can vengeance ever bring peace?

i offer merit to all suffering for the loss of a child.

after what seems like weeks of wall to wall sunshine the day starts overcast and grey. but the clouds will eventually part revealing the sun. it was there all the time. the sun doesn’t depend on my sight of it for existence. it always shines.

truth doesn’t depend on my knowing. it just is. but when i look deeply,the clouds of the mind part and i see. sunshine or cloud,i just sit zazen.

at the temple i meet old friends,greeting with affection. attachment rises like flickering flames,threatening to burn. within stillness the flames subside.

just for now.

i have an arrangement to meet others at a certain place at a certain time. an hour to go and i am worrying about whether they will be on time or not. their timekeeping is not my concern. even if they don’t turn up,it’s still not my concern.

being fully present,right now,is my concern. otherwise i might be late.

i bought some furniture. it came in a flat pack for self assembly. i have learned from painful experience that assembling furniture can be frustrating,maddening. but actually it is very simple and often easy. all you have to do is follow the instructions one page at a time.

if i could live each day like that,one page at a time,life would be simple and easy. but life isn’t a flat pack,is it?

i like this translation of a line from dogen’s ‘rules for meditation’; ‘why leave behind the seat that exists in your home and go aimlessly off to the dusty realms of other lands’.

after morning meditation,getting up from my mat, i look out of my window at the backs of houses,over garage roofs,at cars left in street. this is the pure land,it is the buddha land. if i can’t find it here,where can i?