{ Monthly Archives }
how long did i sit this morning? the timer measured forty minutes but i wasn’t aware of the passing of forty minutes.how long have i sat here thinking about what to post? i don’t know. i was just sitting here.
what is this we call ‘time’? it’s a mystery. but i do know it is precious.so be here,now.
out on the hills in may with january weather.black clouds piling up,rain driving horizontally,wind chilling.dramatic and beautiful.a may day walk wearing winter clothing and wet weather gear.
just responding to conditions.
dark,angry clouds race across the sky this morning. but the sky is unmoved. dark,angry thoughts race through my mind as i sit. but there is that which is unmoved.
so just sit.
the alarm rings. a rush of feelings and thoughts of the coming day.what am i going to do,where am i going? the alarm has just rung and already i am everywhere but here.
here,right now,it’s time to sit morning zazen.
i am distraught.the football season is over.what will i do now i haven’t got fixtures,results and analysis to pore over.woe is me!
a tough lesson in impermanence.
i have some new glasses.within a week they had to be returned because of a manufacturing fault.now i have them back and they don’t properly fit. i need to go again for the fault to be put right.very frustrating.
but the universe is not out to get me.there’s not an international conspiracy aimed solely at me.it’s not life threatening.nor do i need to vent my frustration on the shop assistant by using angry and harsh words.
someone made a mistake.that’s all!
my household rubbish has just been collected.no matter how hard i try,there seems so much of it.like most people,i am willing to do everything i can to reduce waste. but can i do more?
i suspect that,with a little more effort,i probably can. laws will be passed to force us to change our ways but i shouldn’t wait until then. right now i can look at and take responsibility for my actions.
‘did you see that?’, someone called out to me in the park. but i was unconscious,oblivious to the beauty and excitement of life around me.i was so engaged with the thoughts in my head that i wasn’t seeing anything.
how much time do i waste doing that? how much time do i spend really alive?
some days i am happy or sad,sometimes angry. i never know what mood will take me.but it doesn’t matter. there was a time when i thought that,with hard practice,i could rise above such things as emotion.
now,within the coming and going, i just do my best to accept what is without being too disturbed by it.today i am sitting happy buddha.
a train leaving the station,a car passing,a bird singing,a warm breeze through the open window.
sitting morning zazen.