{ Monthly Archives }
there are events which seem to turn the world,as i know it,upside down.when that happens it is always surprising. but the way i see the world is only from a view in this moment. that view is a constantly changing one.
maybe the world hasn’t turned upside down. i could have been standing on my head and now i am upright again. now i have right view.
fear arises expressed as anger. it seems easier to deal with if i can put it out there. but fear persists.just be still and allow it to be what it is.
in stillness there is all-acceptance and all is well.
i spent a lot of time trying to to get my computer to perform a task which it clearly could not. even after a series of failures i would not desist. there is merit in persistence but not stubbornness. i was refusing to accept that i could not bend reality by my will.
when acceptance came it was such a relief. why did i choose suffering?
i was sitting here in anticipation. i should be just here in my sitting place.
i realise that i have been writing this blog for a year. i had no idea that i would be sharing my thoughts with so many people from so many countries. to sit here and know that there are people all around the world doing their very best to follow the way just as i am doing has been a real joy.
each of us has to walk our own path.but isn’t it good to have others walking along side of you?
this morning i pulled back the curtains and it was raining. i expected sunshine.in that moment my plans for the day were dashed,my world collapsed. but plans are for the future that has yet to come and that moment was not for making plans.
it was time to sit morning zazen. so just sit. the day will unfold itself.
people not only work hard but,when they have time off,they rest hard . in a news item,a bishop was talking to commuters at a busy rail station on the importance of taking rest.as i remember it,a phrase he used was,’cultivate the inner slob’.
he was making a serious point.striving day in and day out leads to burn out. we need time to renew.
when resting,just rest.
i try to convince myself that i am being careful,prudent.but i’m not.i’m being stingy,mean with myself.generosity has to include all beings or it is not true generosity.
true generosity cannot not exclude this being i call ‘me’.
i hurry,rushing about to get to the next task. why am i hurrying? i am not hurrying to anything,just hurrying away. what is it about this precious moment that makes me want to flee from it?
once left,it is gone for ever. be still now.
early morning and an ambulance with flashing lights is outside.a knot of neighbours appears to see paramedics bringing a neighbour out on a stretcher. she has taken an overdose. we share a collective guilt. we were unaware of the depth of her distress.
did she ask for help but wasn’t heard? was she unable to ask? if i was in trouble right now,would i have the faith in my neighbours to call on them? would i take that chance or choose to suffer in silence?
when i ask it is usually with an expectation that my request will be met.it’s quite safe.asking unconditionally, without expectation, is to step outside my safety zone.i offer up everything.
but when i have been willing to do that,a bhodisattva has always responded.