{ Monthly Archives }
the seemingly endless rain has ceased.the sun is out,the sky is blue.i am well again.
all things change.
fiona robyn is one of those affected by flooding.she is the author of ‘a small stone’ blog which links here and she has a new book out. you can check it out at www.lulu.com. just type in her name.
my view on a topic was challenged.i felt threatened and immediately sought to defend my position,to justify myself. but my view is just how i see things at this time. others see things differently and they could be right.
there is nothing to defend or justify.so what feels threatened?
for two days we have had long power cuts.everyone patiently waited for it to be restored.no-one complained. everyone’s thoughts were on those who are enduring much worse than this.
living at sea level,surrounded by hills and rivers,we are aware of our vulnerability. we count our blessings as we are moved by the suffering of others.
drinking water is being delivered to the flood victims.when it arrives they rush to grab as much as they can. some go without. this greed is understandable. the absence of life sustaining water causes fear.i am here and i have everything i need. yet still i grasp at things.
what drives my greed?
i have had a headache all day.maybe.but where was it when i wasn’t aware of it?or the pain in my joints? what i am calling pain is a sensation which,like all sensation,comes and goes and changes. but if i get caught up in it,labelling it as ‘my pain’, i give it existence.
where is the ‘pain’ now?
there is silence next door.no babies crying,no two year old charley demanding,no shouts from a frustrated mother. nothing. just silence. charley was re-admitted to hospital and the family are with him. will i see him again?
silence is eloquent.
being unwell, i haven’t been able to sit morning zazen. i don’t find this easy. there is craving here.craving for being well,for an ideal in which i sit no matter what. that ideal is one in which an ‘i’ sits zazen.
zazen is just sitting,just walking and just lying down. today i it is being upright while lying down.
are my actions causing old karmic habits to surface? or are my actions being driven by old memories? I don’t think i will waste time on that one. memories and feelings will arise. i can’t stop them and i shouldn’t try to.
but i can do some thing about what i do. i can take care that i am not just re-acting.right now,is what i am doing good to do.
a very busy week has stirred up old habits.ideas for new projects pile up. excitement builds.i’m on a roll, unstoppable. but that was then and this is now.
time to take a backward step. be still.
cars,trains and planes come to a standstill homes destroyed.heavy rain has again flooded large areas of the country causing chaos. people turn their distress and anger outward. ‘they’ are to blame.
but collectively we built this society who’s sole purpose appears to be material gain. we are responsible for its fragility,not the rain. we cannot bend mother nature to our will.
as we sow,so shall we reap.