everyday zazen

tomorrow is 1st december and a period known as the ‘run up to christmas’. three weeks of unleashed greed or an opportunity to give and receive? all out partying or a time for being with family and friends? whatever your feelings are about christmas,you can’t ignore it. it’s not necessary to retreat to the bunker,hiding out,scrooge-like,until it’s all over. i do not have to respond from greed.

i live in a 21st century capitalist country,a consumerist society. it’s the way it is right now. but how i live within it is my choice.

this morning i went to the hospital for a blood test. i had to fast for fourteen hours before the test. so that this would not be too difficult,the test was done at 7.30a.m. i was not the first in line. people had started work very early,on a cold and wet winter morning just to make my life more comfortable.

today i met a buddha with a hypodermic.

i wish to help another. but how? so often it is self that rushes in and the wish to help is obscured. doing nothing,being still,allows me to see what is being asked for. action may be required,but it will come from the stillness. a quiet ,supportive presence may be all that is needed.

dwell in the still place.

on this day each week our small group of dharma friends meet up to chat and sit and drink tea. today we will also have a memorial service for evie,our friend’s dog,who died 49 days ago. there will be joy and sadness.

a day to offer gratitude for the gift of life and of death.

i looked everywhere but it was there,in front of me,all the time. the harder i look,the less i can see. only when i stop searching can i see that there is nothing to search for. it was never lost.

it is always here.

5.29 a.m. one minute to go. the last time i looked at the clock it was only 3.15 a.m. i exert my whole will to halting the passage of time. what a futile exercise. and what a waste of time. is this the way i want to use this precious time,this life?

‘life passes as swiftly as a flash of lightning’. eihei dogen

5.30 a.m. now is time to get up and just sit.

we got into one of those discussions. this one was about whether it was alright to do something just for pleasure. we all need a bit of fun in our lives,don’t we? i hit the dictionary again. one definition of pleasure was ‘enjoyment’. that seems o.k. another was ’sensual gratification’. oh dear!

as always,i need to take care. what is my intent? what is good to do?

a reference to the millenium,the year 2000,caught my eye. at the time,it was hyped up to be such a great event. who remembers it now? how often do i give importance to events in my life which,with hindsight,were not so? selecting and investing in particular events creates karmic ripples which will have consequences. better to view all events with equanimity then this would not be so.

i looked up ‘equanimity’ in the dictionary. the definition i preferred was ’steadiness of mind’. when i lose that steadiness,suffering arises.

there is so much that i have to do. the list is a mile long. but,in reality,there is nothing that i have to do. i could draw up a list of things not to do. top of the list of things not to do is to stop thinking into existence the idea of things that have to be done. in fact,that is the only item on my list of things not to do.

now that’s sorted,i can leap into non-action.

it can be difficult to say ‘no’,easy to be swept along by another’s persistence and insistence. that natural wish to do good for another gets hijacked. both self and other are harmed as we turn away from what we know is good to do.

just be still, just say ‘no!’