{ Monthly Archives }
we are encouraged to ‘think positively’,to ’see the glass as half full,not half empty’. why? to think positively is still thinking delusion into existence. the contents of the glass are just what they are. we cannot think away suffering anymore than we can think away the world.
just be upright and still within whatever arises and there is a sufficiency.
‘ what we call a thought is already one or two removes from the unborn ‘ zen master bankei
thoughts arise in my mind. sometimes they just quietly come and go and sometimes they clamour for attention. but always i choose to respond or sit still in the unborn.
yesterday passed with a minimum of activity,thought.effort. i was unwell and it was enough just to do unwell. plans,even for the next moment,were necessarily abandoned. it was all i could do to live each moment and each moment was enough.
can i live today like that?
i went on a long bus journey yesterday. i was with my friend and we spent most of the time talking to each other. occasionally we would be distracted from our conversation by something of passing interest. it was good to spend the time together. but that was yesterday.
today i find myself re-living yesterday in my head. if i stay there,the world will be reduced to something of passing interest,just a distraction. the experience of this day will pass me by.
i went to a presentation of the plans to redevelop our town. the meeting seemed full of angry elders demanding that things should stay just the way they are. or,even better,be put back the way they used to be. whatever our age,we all have a little of that tendency.
change is inevitable. progress can’t be held back but a contribution to its direction can be made. those angry people may have valid points to make but they will not be listened to. when we express with anger,all that is heard is the anger.
i continually make the mistake of believing that my view of the world is shared by others. i compound this error by surrounding myself with those who agree with me. i compound it further by trying to persuade others that i am right. those who disagree i ignore.
but what if those who disagree are right? i could be wrong. the question is whether or not i am willing to abandon both these positions and take the radical step of viewing the world with open hands.
after a long and tiring day and not enough sleep i awoke with the feeling that i just could not cope with a another day. i wanted to cancel today. i would hang out a notice; ‘due to a total lack of interest,today has been cancelled’. but i didn’t cancel. i just did the first task of the day and then the next.
it is just the mind that has lost interest. or maybe i have lost interest in the mind. it should be a good day after all.
the sky was definitely lighter this morning. that’s what my mind kept telling me. and it was what i wanted to hear. or was it? do i really want to live in the false world my mind continually creates? i can choose to believe it or not. i can live in that mind or in reality.
light or dark,the morning is perfect just as it is.
it was hard but invigorating walking the coast into a south westerly near gale. the only way to make any progress was to lean into the wind.sometimes i was blown backwards. life seems like that at times. three steps forward,two steps back. but only when i attempt to force progress do i get blown back. by leaning gently into the gales of life,there is always a going on.
and gales die down.
i have lived on my own for many years. occasionally,as today.i awake with intense feeling of solitariness and vulnerability. my mind works overtime grasping for re-assurance. but there is nothing,nothing to cling to.