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‘i can’t give any more’, i said. not so. it is ‘i’ that responds in this way. this is the response from self,holding back through greed or fear,seeking something in return.free of the restraints of the limited view of self,generosity is infinite and can flow unhindered.
in stillness,let the obstacles dissolve.
i’m a dreamer. and dreams,like bubbles,burst. disappointment and pain inevitably follow. dreaming is leaving one’s sitting place,wandering off to ‘other dusty countries’.
but the stillness waits for the wanderer to return.
when i boot up my computer,there is an image of a golden buddha,still and serene,on my desktop. here i sit at my desk,with my mind flitting all over the place,wondering what to write this morning.
perhaps my time would be better spent contemplating buddha.
i can’t wait. i’ve worked out what i am going to say. i’m seething now. they will wish they had never messed with me.
i think i need a pause here. i will take the next and each step of today very carefully.
my friend has to dispose of the possessions of her godmother who died recently. she wants this part of the process to be done with. it is as if all the ‘things’ stand in the way of what is going on. what were once part of a life are now just objects. they have no meaning on their own.
in life we value objects but,no matter how many we accumulate,they do not give our life meaning. so what does? what really matters?
i slept late. my routine is broken. it is cold wet and windy,my plans for today shelved. i am adrift in the space of today. and i shall do my best to remain here as the urge to fill the space with ’something to do’ rises and falls in my mind.
i can just live gently in the stillness of today. why would i want to do anything else?
the football season is over. i’m getting withdrawal symptoms already. how easy it is to become dependent on things which,honestly,are of no real significance. the cup of coffee at the same time every day is simply attachment. from attachment,craving arises. and feeding the craving leads to habit,to addiction.
‘my name is cliff. i am an addict,a footballaholic.’ do they have meetings for those like me?
i’ve been thinking about the way my life is going. now i wish i hadn’t. my life was fine until my thinking created a life which needed thinking about.
i cannot know how another being feels. i can sympathise,empathise,try to understand how they might feel. but i can’t know and it is important that i accept this. my view of life is not universal. each of us sees life in our own way. each is valid.
only if i try to impose my view on others is this a problem.
i’ve done it again. i’m always doing it. i do it on purpose. and now i am doing again,beating myself up for not being perfect. my friends do it too.
we are human and we make mistakes. acceptance means all-acceptance. easy to say,isn’t it?